Saturday, August 12, 2006

Ring Around The Rosie

I played ring around the rosie many, many times today. And each time I laughed harder than the 2 year old and the 3 year old I was playing with. They crack me up! How can running in a circle until you get dizzy and fall down so fun?

I feel...contemplative? melancholy? sad? I'm not sure what I would label it. I am sitting in the basement of my friends house, waiting to go hang out with the Lord and then go to my brother's slip and slide birthday party. It will be so cute to see all the kids playing in the water, sliding around, being silly. Who would have thought turning 30 could be so fun?!

Anyway, I just finished baby sitting and am working on support and thought I would take a break to write something here. I can't quite put a finger on what I am feeling. I don't feel happy, thought I don't think I feel sad. God has provided a place to live, rent for this month, and this amazing basement to stay in for free until I can move into my new apartment. He has provided support (and paychecks) for this month, thought next month is still waiting to be seen. I have all these things to be thankful for, all these things that were causes of stress but have now been worked out. I feel peacefull here in this place and I feel encouraged about what God is doing...yet something still feels off.

Maybe it's just the music I am's slow and thoughtful. Yesterday I went to my parent's house while they were gone and went through all of my things. In the last four years I have moved 5 times, and in the middle of that my parents moved too. So my stuff is all in boxes, and there are piles of boxes. "Mexico stuff" "Bustakappa stuff" "high school stuff". So my goal was to merge it all and then throw away everything I don't want anymore and pack the stuff I want into boxes to take to my new apartment on Tuesday. Maybe that is why I am in this mood. It was sad to go through all of my busta kappa things. I would stop and look at each thing, thinking about the house and the memories.

Then I went through my Mexico things, and that was even harder. The most difficult thing was looking through the cards and gifts the students gave me before I left. Adan made me a picture frame out of cardstock that says "friends forever" in English and in Spanish and then has a picture of him inside of it. Then there was the jellied goo thing Indira gave me which I haven't gotten around to eating yet. I just couldn't get myself to throw it away in April, so I stuck it in the closet and had to throw it away yesterday. And I cried. It was a stupid piece of nasty Mexican candy, and I cried when I threw it away.

Needless to say, I didn't finish going through my things. I packed all my clothes and books, and left the rest for another day. It was a joy, though, to come here to my friends house after that, and have her 3 year old son be waiting up for me in his pajamas. All day he knew that Mamy (what he calls me) was coming to stay the night and would be there when he woke up. He hugged me and promised to wake me up in the morning :). And today he said he loved me and he liked me.

Well, if you've read this whole thing you are a champ. I don't even think I am going to go back and proof read it...I just needed to write for awhile.

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