It is relatively late and I am pretty tired, but I have many thoughts floating around in my head that I wanted to share.
First, yesterday my director called and asked if I wanted to be on the DCC (Denver Christmas Conference) planning committee. DCC is a conference Campus Crusade puts on each year that over 2000 students in our region come to. (check out dcc2007.com for more info) I felt honored to be asked to be a part of that team! So today I headed down to the Adams Mark hotel in Denver, where the conference is located each year. Because we use so much of the hotel each year during our week long conference, we have accrued something similar to frequent flyer miles. So each year the hotel provides everything we need for this planning weekend. This means I am staying at this 5 star hotel for free and eating at places like Maggianos. And I am surrounded by wise Crusade veterans. It has been refreshing, visionary, honoring, humbling, and a joy to be here!
My next thought is about a discussion my team had earlier tonight. We ultimately decided that the phrase "blind faith" is redundant. If faith is not blind, then it really isn't faith. The only thing we know for sure is God exists and that we can have a personal relationship with Him. Outside of that, faith is blind. We step out each day with a thousand unknowns, all the while trusting God. More thoughts on this after I have had time to process it more...
And the last thing I want to share are my thoughts regarding my future. The last week or so I have felt a sense of urgency in regards to determining what the next year holds for me. My biggest decision has been if I should join staff with Campus Crusade for Christ, or if I should pursue other things with my life. The most difficult thing has been determining what the Lord wants me to do. (Not that I really know what I think I should do or want to do even...) A good friend asked me what verses I stand on that affirm the Lord's calling on my life (whether for full-time ministry or not). And I humbly had to tell her I had none. There are no scripture passages that grab my soul and encourage me to press on when it is hard.
So the next day, during my time with the Lord, I asked Him to give me verses that would affirm His call. So I did my normal quiet time and tried my hardest to read into every passage I read in order to find my "call". And, of course, nothing magically appeared. One of the passages I read that day, however, has stuck with me. I don't think it was until a few days later that it came back into my mind, but once it did it has stayed there. And it was really not what I expected. In fact, so much not what I expected that I kept telling myself that it wasn't the verse I have been given to stand on, it's just a random verse that keeps coming into my mind. I expected a very clear "serve me with everything you have" or a "follow the desire of your heart and i will give you everything you need" or even a "go ask your best friend and whatever they say is what I want you to do". Something clear :)
But instead, the verse that keeps coming back in my mind is Psalm 105:4 which reads "Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always". So what is my calling? To walk with God. To be so intimately in tune with Him that my every step is clearly shown to me because my heart is so aligned with His.
Now, this doesn't answer the question of whether or not to join staff. But it does answer the question of what to do with my life. I could be a teacher, a staff member, a doctor, a trash truck driver, a bum...it doesn't matter if my heart is aligned with Him because I seek His face. So, for now I will seek His face, trusting that He will show me what to do tomorrow, and the day after that, and the month after that. This is the verse I will stand on that will affirm the decisions I make and the work that I do.