Monday, September 17, 2007


Life has been a little bleh lately. And it's raining today, which amplifies it. Not just a quick shower, which is typical to Colorado, but more like a downpour that will last all day. Kind of feels like my heart today.

There is just so much in life right now that needs to be figured out. I am at a weird transition but not really stage of life. I am in transition, but I will be for a year. And adjusting to life right now has taken longer than I expected and has been harder than I expected. How do I be me when nothing around me is me? None of my friends are around; I'm sleeping on someone else's bed in someone else's room in someone else's house.

Part of me just feels despair when I think about it being this was for a year. And then I start to wonder if life will even get better when I move to Missouri because none of my friends will be there either. Which, I am good at making friends and that doesn't scare me, but what does scare me is the idea of going somewhere that I am not known at all. It just sounds a bit lonely, which is the overwhelming emotion in this stage of life, so the prospect of Missouri is just not that exciting to me.

But it is. That's what's hard. The logical part of me wants to just move back to Greeley, or Fort Collins, and find a job and be with my friends. But a bigger part of me (probably the part of me that actually walks with the Lord) is so excited to go to Missouri....excited to meet new people, to get to be on campus reaching lost students with the Gospel, to start a new life, to experience a deeper level of healing that will come with being 700 miles from home.

I'm just rambling at this point, but I think the moral of all of this is that life is not all good or all bad. Life right now is not all bad, and as long as I keep reminding myself of that I will make it. And, Missouri is not all good OR all bad, and as long as I keep reminding myself of that I will make it there. Perhaps it would be wise to restart my thankfulness posts everyday. Being thankful sure does make a difference in my heart and perspective on life.

With that said, today I am thankful for....

fresh flowers next to my bed
no rent
zeke and hartlee
erin and chris
good music from meehee
bustakappa and seeing them last night
getting to spend the afternoon with zeke and hartlee
michigan in 25 days!!!!!
the process, i suppose, because i have to be thankful for it
money to deposit in the bank today
funny dreams last night
my sweet friends from new staff training

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