As I journaled and spent time with the Lord this morning I realized that I am anxious about New Staff Training this summer. This was a frustrating thing for me to see because I can't WAIT to join staff! I can't wait to be on campus and to be seeing God do amazing things in the lives of students!! Yet, I am so afraid of starting this whole process that I am frozen.
Part of my fear is meeting new people this summer...fear that I won't open up to them, that I won't be authentic. This is rooted in my fear that I am too much and that people will not want to know me. And this is all sinful - I am judging people I haven't even met yet, judging that they won't believe the best about me. And it is not allowing God to be glorified in my life!
I also realized that I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I will fail at making friends at NST, afraid that I will fail at ministry partner development, afraid that I will fail at walking with God, afraid that I will fail at ministry.
I don't feel like I have any great thoughts on this, other than the fact that I am grateful Jesus is showing this to me. I now have the choice to live in these fears, or chose to believe what is true.