The last few weeks I have begun Ministry Partner Development full time. As I entered into this process I was full of hope. I couldn't wait to see what the Lord was going to do - and I was fully confident that He would provide! In fact, I was so confident that I asked Him to provide and didn't think about it again. It took me several weeks to even get my first set of letters out to potential ministry partners. Now I am starting to see the reality of having no support - i.e. I did not receive my last paycheck because I didn't have enough money in my account. Now, the Lord did provide for every need I had, in incredible ways! But my eyes were opened, once again, to the disease of my heart.
I went so quickly from trusting the Lord to using the Lord. My mindset slipped into not even praying about my support, because He would provide. Today I was driving home from the offices, thinking about all of this, and it hit me. Trusting and waiting are actions. Trusting the Lord does not mean ignoring a problem because He will take care of it. It means spending hours before His throne, allowing Him to transform me, pleading with Him to accomplish what He has promised. Waiting on the Lord does not mean sitting quietly until something happens. Waiting on the Lord means humbling my heart, crying out to Him and allowing Him to make me more like Him in the process.
Psalm 27 cleared a lot of this up for me.
13I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. 14Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD
I want my heart to be strong and courageous! And to me, a courageous heart stands boldly before the Lord, allowing Him to make me new and more like Himself! I want to wait well, I want to trust well.