Death

I was looking up some information on Student Venture, Campus Crusade for Christ's high school ministry (which both of my roommates work for) and stumbled across this website... www.stacistory.com. I had heard about this girl's life and death before, but I spent quite a while tonight thinking about her life, my life and death.

You know, walking with God has been hard for me lately. It is one of those times in life when faith is a choice instead of just an instinct. It is hard to chose to put my faith in Christ instead of putting it in the television, food, people, myself, or whatever else seems good at the moment. So faith is a choice right now, and I am not choosing it. I came home from a meeting tonight and immediately started thinking about what was on tv. Then I thought, if I was walking with God right now I would chose to spend time with Him right now. But I didn't! I totally knew exactly what I was doing and yet still walked away from the Lord. After trying several things to make myself feel better (including my THIRD piece of cake for the day and checking my email for at least the fifth time of the day) I started looking up this info I needed on Student Venture. That led to reading about Staci and thinking about death. And thinking about life.

Death is one of the things about life that make me want to do full-time ministry the most. It is one of those times when I really start to think about what my purpose in life is. I firmly believe my purpose is to 1) know God and 2) make God known. When I think about the fact that I will die someday I realize that I do not want to waste my time on anything but knowing God and making Him known.

But the 99% of the time when I am not thinking about death, I tend to fail at knowing God and making Him known. I know the tv, I know good food, (haha, I know bad food and chose to eat it too) I am making my favorite musician known, and I am making my fish known. - I talk about my fish with other people more than I talk about God. Okay, maybe not always, but certainly the last month at least. -

This is mostly just rambling. A quick summary would be that 1) I've been contemplating life and death lately, 2) I am having a hard time choosing to follow Jesus, and 3) my hearts desire is to make God known and I AM FAILING AT THAT!

Thank you for hearing me.