A friend moved to Seattle yesterday, and as a going away present gave me all her food :) So today I woke up with free granola for my yogurt!
God continues to work in my life in very tangible ways. He is providing exactly what I need each day, and I am honored.
What confuses me, however, is my own brain. Something amazing happened Wednesday - a miracle if you will. The Lord orchestrated incredible things in my life in a matter of minutes that I had been stressing about and trying to take care of myself for weeks. All I had to do was give them to Him and trust that He would take care of me. So Wednesday I trusted Him and Wednesday He provided. Then Thursday I forgot it all. I'm an right back where I started, worrying about big things and little things, trying my hardest to make it all work out.
You know, I am a teacher and I should know how people learn. I should know how to make lessons I learn stick in my brain and how to apply them to the rest of my life...that is what I would be helping children do if I was in a classroom! Why can I not get things to stick in my heart and mind?
I was reading in Proverbs yesterday and it might give me insight into this problem.
"How does a man become wise? The first step is to trust and reverence the Lord! Only fools refuse to be taught." Proverbs 1:7 (The Living Bible)
What I'm ultimately desiring is to become wise. Yes, I want peace and joy in the midst of the stress - I want my problems worked out - I want to grow in my trust of the Lord. But behind all of that is wisdom! Wisdom would apply what I have already learned to a new situation I am facing. Wisdom gives it over to the Lord, knowing He is in control and loves me.
So I must trust and reverence the Lord. In other words, I must fear the Lord. I must view Him as the awesome, almighty maker He is and trust Him to be good.
Somehow I don't think I am coming to a conclusion that works here, because I'm really back where I started (with some cheesy Christian words in the middle). I would love to Trust the Lord and give Him those things that stress me out, however I simply don't. What changes from one day to the next that dictates whether or not I am going to trust Christ and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit? Why can I not be consistent at this? I tend to be consistent at eating breakfast, checking my email, going to the bathroom, and blinking my eyes. But trusting Jesus is just not one of my things. And I hate that.