My tongue has changed colors. It is no longer that mix between pink and red that I have grown to love. Instead it is yellow and has large bumps on it. I looked up tongue discoloration on the internet (I googled it, as my brother's wife's mother would say) and it is either caused by a) a fungus, b) antibiotics being taken, c) mouthwash/toothpaste. Well, I haven't changed mouthwash or toothpaste and I am not on antibiotics....that means I now am the proud owner of a tongue fungus!
I stopped by starbucks on my way to work today to hang out with the Lord. It was a process getting out of bed in order to be up in time to do more than absentmindedly throw on unmatching clothes. But I did it and I would lovingly label the entire experience culture shock.
First, it took me about 3 minutes to find a parking spot because there were roughly a million people at starbucks. So I go inside and there is a line of about 7 people in front of me. I'm thinking, great this gives me time to decide what I want. So I begin the process of weighing my desires against my upset stomach against my wallet. I'm hovering somewhere between a green tea latte and a shaken iced tea when the lady starts asking people in front of me what they want, "to get it started for them" while they wait in line. As she works her way down the line towards me my stomach starts to drop as I feel the pressure of a decision looming. I can't think, at this point, and just kind of look at the ground, hoping she will skip me. Then it comes - "What can I get started for you?" and without thinking I blurt out "grande mocha". Just like that. No hesitation, no thinking, nothing. Only, I didn't really want a grande mocha. I wanted green tea. I drank about a fifth of the dang thing and then got sick to my stomach. So I wasted $4.04 simply because she HAD to get something started for me.
I would like to thank the people of the United States for being so rushed that we have conditioned our poor starbucks employees into getting something started while we are still 7 people away from the cash register. I would also like to thank them for my new tongue fungus, just because.