My tongue has changed colors. It is no longer that mix between pink and red that I have grown to love. Instead it is yellow and has large bumps on it. I looked up tongue discoloration on the internet (I googled it, as my brother's wife's mother would say) and it is either caused by a) a fungus, b) antibiotics being taken, c) mouthwash/toothpaste. Well, I haven't changed mouthwash or toothpaste and I am not on antibiotics....that means I now am the proud owner of a tongue fungus!
I stopped by starbucks on my way to work today to hang out with the Lord. It was a process getting out of bed in order to be up in time to do more than absentmindedly throw on unmatching clothes. But I did it and I would lovingly label the entire experience culture shock.
First, it took me about 3 minutes to find a parking spot because there were roughly a million people at starbucks. So I go inside and there is a line of about 7 people in front of me. I'm thinking, great this gives me time to decide what I want. So I begin the process of weighing my desires against my upset stomach against my wallet. I'm hovering somewhere between a green tea latte and a shaken iced tea when the lady starts asking people in front of me what they want, "to get it started for them" while they wait in line. As she works her way down the line towards me my stomach starts to drop as I feel the pressure of a decision looming. I can't think, at this point, and just kind of look at the ground, hoping she will skip me. Then it comes - "What can I get started for you?" and without thinking I blurt out "grande mocha". Just like that. No hesitation, no thinking, nothing. Only, I didn't really want a grande mocha. I wanted green tea. I drank about a fifth of the dang thing and then got sick to my stomach. So I wasted $4.04 simply because she HAD to get something started for me.
I would like to thank the people of the United States for being so rushed that we have conditioned our poor starbucks employees into getting something started while we are still 7 people away from the cash register. I would also like to thank them for my new tongue fungus, just because.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
failure
today i feel like a failure. so i went to Jesus and i asked him to minister to my soul. i asked him to show me truth. i looked in my concordance, because i didn't know where else to look, and i wrote down every reference to the subject failure i could find. there were 5.
one was samson in judges 14. the reference was to the time he disobeyed God and his family by finding a wife from another lineage and it caused a lot of problems, but ultimately God was glorified as huge things happened.
two was the isrealites in psalm 106. we all know the story. they sought God, they abandoned God, they sought God, they abandoned God, etc.
three, four, and five were the story of peter as recorded in matthew, mark, and luke. we know this story too. peter denied Jesus three times after swearing he could never do such a thing. and then he wept bitterly.
that was it. these were all my concordance had to say about the subject of failures. so i can't help but think the definition of a failure should be someone who disobeys God. but that's not what i was looking for when i searched my bible. i was looking for examples of times people had failed at something they had set out to do or accomplish to see how God reacted, how they reacted. i wanted comfort and to not feel quite so alone. instead i found people who screwed up, but they were only labeled as a failure because they failed to obey God, not because they failed at a task.
i feel like a failure as a missionary, as a child of God, as a friend, as a human. i look at myself as a failure because i did things that weren't good enough, i didn't quite pass the test. i set out to battle and came home the loser-i failed.
i've been trying to come up with something hopeful to put at the end of this. but i've got nothing. i'll go back to peter for a minute. he wept bitterly. but then, in acts 2, he is walking humbly with his Lord and God is doing amazing things through his life. i can't wait until i get past the weeping bitterly phase of this all.
one was samson in judges 14. the reference was to the time he disobeyed God and his family by finding a wife from another lineage and it caused a lot of problems, but ultimately God was glorified as huge things happened.
two was the isrealites in psalm 106. we all know the story. they sought God, they abandoned God, they sought God, they abandoned God, etc.
three, four, and five were the story of peter as recorded in matthew, mark, and luke. we know this story too. peter denied Jesus three times after swearing he could never do such a thing. and then he wept bitterly.
that was it. these were all my concordance had to say about the subject of failures. so i can't help but think the definition of a failure should be someone who disobeys God. but that's not what i was looking for when i searched my bible. i was looking for examples of times people had failed at something they had set out to do or accomplish to see how God reacted, how they reacted. i wanted comfort and to not feel quite so alone. instead i found people who screwed up, but they were only labeled as a failure because they failed to obey God, not because they failed at a task.
i feel like a failure as a missionary, as a child of God, as a friend, as a human. i look at myself as a failure because i did things that weren't good enough, i didn't quite pass the test. i set out to battle and came home the loser-i failed.
i've been trying to come up with something hopeful to put at the end of this. but i've got nothing. i'll go back to peter for a minute. he wept bitterly. but then, in acts 2, he is walking humbly with his Lord and God is doing amazing things through his life. i can't wait until i get past the weeping bitterly phase of this all.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
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