knirb yma

Dear Ben Harper, I love you. Love, Amy

2009-11-24T21:55:00.002-07:00

I think I would totally hang out with Ben Harper if we were friends. I ate 6 Andes Mints tonight and I feel like I am going to throw up and I don't like that feeling. But, I am convinced today that Jesus loves me. I'm not entirely sure why, but He does and I'm going to celebrate that fact (but not by eating any more Andes Mints).

I think I want to run away to a monastery and be alone with Jesus and study scripture for the rest of my life. Or at least for the next month. Doesn't that sound delightful?

Which reminds me, off Gallup street by my house is a sign for a monastery. I'm going to go google that right now ...

I love snow. The end.

2009-10-25T11:23:00.003-06:00

2009-09-22T22:14:00.005-06:00

thankfulness

2009-09-20T12:42:00.002-06:00

i am thankful for

jesus
a long bath with a good book
my new hair mask
my robe
a day filled with friends
turning the tv off and listening to good music
my laundry is d o n e
preschool

2009-09-16T21:10:00.002-06:00

jesus loves me this i know.

the last 4 months have been a whirlwind and i'm not sure that life will ever settle down. but maybe i like that? maybe that's okay? maybe that's what i want? who knows.

what i do know is jesus loves me. or maybe i don't know this. maybe i need to tell myself over and over again every day. maybe i'll never understand until i get to heaven.

so i'm going to chose to know that jesus loves me.

i am thankful for...

2009-06-16T13:28:00.001-06:00

mountains
jesus
family
solid grounds coffee shop
the bachelorette
cherries
free iced mocha

Winter Song - Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

2009-06-11T18:35:00.003-06:00

this is my winter song to you
the storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea

my voice a beacon in the night,
my words will be your light,
to carry you to me

is love alive? is love alive? is love

they say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so i have been told

they say we're buried far,
just like a distant star,
i simply cannot hold

is love alive? is love alive? is love

this is my winter song
december never felt so wrong,
cause you're not where you belong
inside my arms

i still believe in summer days,
the seasons always change,
and life will find a way
i'll be your harvester of light,
and send it out tonight,
so we can start again

is love alive? is love alive? is love alive?

this my winter song,
december never felt so wrong,
cause you're not where you belong,
inside my arm

this is my winter song to you
the storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea

my love a beacon in the night,
my words will be your light,
to carry you to me

is love alive?

2009-06-05T19:54:00.001-06:00

I would give almost anything to be here right now...

2009-06-04T16:26:00.002-06:00

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."

THEODORE ROOSEVELT

I want to be the man in the arena. I don't just want to have courage when situations come, I want to seek out situations that challenge me. I don't want to hold back, to wait for things to happen.

Weird dreams lately

2009-05-28T15:29:00.002-06:00

I have had some crazy dreams lately. Here are some highlights...

1) Dreamt that I was marrying a friends husband. It was the night of the rehearsal dinner and I just found out we were getting married. The whole dream I was trying to figure out if it was appropriate to postpone the wedding because I hadn't planned any of it yet. I was stressed out because I hadn't picked a place, flowers, music, sent out invites, NOTHING and the wedding was the next day. Hahahah it was so stressful. And then I found out at the very end that it was my friends husband and I was trying to figure out if it was okay or not to marry him. So weird.

2) Last night I dreamed that I was having a baby. Only, I was in the hospital pushing and pushing and nothing was happening! The doctors were so perplexed, so they did an ultrasound to see what was happening and they were like "oh! you aren't pregnant, no wonder nothing is coming out of you!" and i was so disappointed!

There are others, but those two were the strangest.

visiting pittsburgh - too lazy to edit the pics

2009-05-23T13:41:00.001-06:00

My next tattoo

2009-05-07T16:07:00.001-06:00

2009-04-30T23:51:00.000-06:00

Injuries Suck

2009-04-29T05:11:00.002-06:00

So playing volleyball this week I (long story short) ended up with a severe sprain with ligament tearing. THAT is a good time, let me tell you. Now I'm walking around on crutches with a half cast that goes from my toes to my knee, which is also a good time. My back, shoulders and neck feel like they have been run over by a truck because of the crutches and my leg feels like it is going to fall off.

About 3:45 I woke up because my pain meds wore off and I cannot fall back asleep. That, is also a good time.

Just whining. Thanks for listening.

This is why I do my job

2009-04-18T13:57:00.004-06:00

"Sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth.
Sing to the Lord, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all peoples."

Psalm 96:1-3

"You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Acts 1:8

"The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame."
Genesis 2:24

We were made to feel no shame. I lived in shame for 22 years before Jesus completely changed my life.

10-days

2009-03-19T09:16:00.002-06:00

I am off work for the next 10 days and I am praying that the Lord does some amazing things. Will you pray with me?

-That I would have supernatural motivation to be diligent on support
-That the Lord would bring in support
-That I would have sweet time with the Lord each day

My heart longs to be done with support for so many reasons. Chiefly, I want to be working on campus. I want to spend my days walking into dorm rooms to talk to women about God. I want to meet with girls in the student union to talk about how Jesus is changing our lives. I want to sit alongside a student as she realizes, for the first time ever, that God loves her deeply. I want to go.

Here am I, send me. Please.

2009-02-25T21:48:00.003-07:00

2009-02-25T21:48:00.001-07:00

i feel happy :)

2009-02-17T17:33:00.003-07:00

I had a one-hour phone appointment with my support coach today, during which i sat in my car and watched people come in and out of Tattered Cover. So many different kinds of people, it made focusing on my call difficult.

It was also very windy today, very. A grocery cart was laying on it's side near the entrance to the bookstore. In the hour I sat there, several people would right the cart, only to have it begin to roll around out of control as they, happy and unknowing, continue on their day. Each of them tried a different strategy to get the cart to stay upright, but few realized that standing it up meant it was going to roll around wildly, hitting cars and people. And those that did realize made only futile attempts to still it, never being successful.

One man, the first, picked it up and pushed it behind a bench in the middle of the walkway. Within seconds it started rolling, but he was already inside Tattered Cover and missed it. The next guy grabbed it as it rolled around and put one of the tires on the welcome mat. That worked until the next major gust of wind dislodged it, causing it to roll on towards it's next car-victim.

Over and over again people would try to fix the stray cart. Everyone thought they knew what was right, how to make it stop causing damage to itself and others. Yet no one took the time to read the store it was from (Bed, Bath and Beyond, right next door) and think to take it inside that building. Or, even less thought-intensive, it could have been laid back down, wheels up, so that it couldn't roll around.

I think in ministry I try to fix everyone's felt-problems. I tried to get their wheel's caught just enough on the mat to make them stop hurting themselves and others, but it's really just a band aide that makes me feel better and them left alone, again. If I only took the time to find out where they are from, where they belong, and what the real problem is, they could be restored.

If I only took the time to bring them to Jesus, instead of bringing them to myself or my books or my theology or my church or my psychology. Then they could be restored.

oh that i would know him more

2009-01-28T14:26:00.005-07:00

i have been working my way through a book titled "praying for dear life" which is just too cheesy of a title. but, it is a good book and it is changing the way i look at prayer and speaking with the father.

also, i have a cold and i'm pretty grumpy about it.

those are the (boring) highlights of my life right now. and here are some pictures from my life right now.

wasted day!

2008-12-23T15:50:00.006-07:00

i hate days like today! everything i tried to accomplish just didn't work out.i planned to write christmas cards while i babysat........fell asleep instead (while the kids were napping, don't shoot me)

i came to my favorite coffee shop to work......forgot my computer cord.

went home to get cord, came back and got to work. first task: balance checkbook......forgot checkbook at home.

going caroling tonight! brought my camera so i could take pictures.........the battery is dead.

maybe i'll just go back to bed. :)

watch this right now. don't even wait.

2008-12-04T10:27:00.001-07:00

i cannot believe how funny and cute this is!

sicko

2008-12-02T14:13:00.002-07:00

i've been sick sick sick the last 48 hours or so. it's super annoying. as usual, i thought i was going to die. but, as usual, i didn't. so that worked out good.

here's a pic of my dad and i at thanksgiving!

and, it FINALLY snowed!!!! praise the lord!

and i started the christmas decorating in my room...more to come!

thankfulness!

2008-11-28T12:22:00.005-07:00

2008-11-18T17:29:00.002-07:00

tuesday.

2008-11-18T16:58:00.002-07:00

i forgot to bring my camera to panera so i have no pictures to show. instead, i'm going to write some haiku's.

ODE TO A STOMACH ACHE
stomach is upset
think the gas i licked from thumb
may be killing me.

A LITTLE POEM TO HELP US ALL CELEBRATE THE UPCOMING HOLIDAY OF THANKSGIVING, WHICH WAS ORIGINALLY CELEBRATED BY THE PILGRIMS AND NATIVE AMERICANS
it's thanksgiving day!
let us eat our weight in food
fat americans.

ICE CREAM WITH JULIE
all day i ponder
what flavor to get tonight
on date with julie.

TAMARA
born on the same day
she has same last name, too
she is my sister.

TAMARA II
last poem boring
tams should make whittling art
cause she's into that.

GOTTA GO
going to puke now
really not feeling so well
just might be dying.

these poems are dedicated to my great sister-in-law tamara.

i voted!

2008-11-04T10:36:00.001-07:00

2008-10-14T12:19:00.003-06:00

May 22, 2006 I shared about my tongue fungus.

Well, good news everyone! I now have a fingernai fungus! There is a fungus among us, once again.

My fingernail is falling off and that's great. I mean, in all honesty, it is great! It doesn't hurt, so I'm left with something to play with when I am bored.

Also, I am planning a lesson for my Bible Study on Genesis 3 and I am being so humbled. As it turns out, I am sinful and separated from God and life because of it. But praise Jesus that I have life and forgiveness and a restored relationship with God through Him.

Okay, back to work...

zeke lost his first tooth!

2008-10-05T09:23:00.002-06:00

teaching license

2008-10-04T22:29:00.001-06:00

after i graduated from college i went into full-time ministry.

i had received my teaching license when i graduated...which meant i was able to teach at any school in colorado.

in the back of my mind i thought that it was good i had my license, in case i ever wanted to teach. at one point i even researched the expiration of my license (3 years) and how to prevent the expiration even though i wasn't teaching. basically, all i had to do was fill out a form every 3 years and my license would remain active. if i fail to do this, i have to take the praxis exam again, which will be a major challenge when school and teaching is not fresh on my mind. so, it is much easier to simply fill out the form every 3 years.

i was cleaning out some drawers today and found my license. it expired a year ago. i guess i'm not planning on teaching.....i feel a sense of grief, of finality....that this is really what i'm giving my life to.

i love my job. i love ministry.

Playing with the kids

2008-09-30T11:44:00.003-06:00

All the things I feel I need to say

2008-09-27T10:31:00.002-06:00

Alicia and I got to hear Brother Yun speak. I was so excited to meet him that after waiting in line for an hour to get my book signed I forgot to, well, get my book signed. I got a picture with him, prayed with him, Alicia spoke an east asian language with him. But I forgot to get my book signed. Oops.

I found this REALLY cool Ute cemetery near Aspen that had graves from the civil war. Some of the graves had been exhumed for whatever reason, which was really, really creepy.

And, of course, more pictures of me and the kids.

2008-09-16T12:25:00.000-06:00

2008-09-15T19:36:00.002-06:00

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened,
And I will give you rest.

Put my yoke, upon your shoulders,
It might appear heavy at first.

But it is perfectly fitted.
But it is perfectly fitted.
But it is perfectly fitted to your curves.

Learn from me, for I am gentle, and humble of heart.
When you are yoked to me, your weary souls will find rest.

For my yoke is easy, my burden is light.
My yoke is easy, my burden is light.

And it is perfectly fitted.
And it is perfectly fitted.
How it is perfectly fitted to your curves.

For my yoke is easy, my burden is light.
My yoke is easy, my burden is light.
My yoke is easy, my burden is light.
My yoke is easy, my burden is light.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened
And I will give you rest.

here i am, posting

2008-09-09T21:32:00.002-06:00

a picture update on my life (tamara):

last week i climbed mount everest!

and had a 4 year old child

half a sardine!

and also an alligator cake for said 4 year old.

Soccer for 5 year olds

2008-09-06T15:00:00.003-06:00

In my head, soccer games for children were wrought with over aggressive parents who make their children feel like losers if they fail. So today, when I decided to surprise Jack who I babysit at his first soccer game, I was prepared for the worst. In fact, I loaded up with starbucks first, so at least I would be happy if no one else was.

I walk onto the field and there are 4 games going on....I quickly realize there are clearly older children playing to the left, and short children playing to the right. I start walking past fields of children who are clearly playing a sport with organization and skill. When I reach the end, I see a field full of blobs of children running, kicking, and falling. Ahhhh....5 year olds playing soccer.

I then proceeded to laugh....and laughed for about an hour until the game was over. They form this blob, which roams around the field following a ball until someone a) trips and lands on the ball, b) kicks it into a goal, c) starts crying. It was the funniest thing ever. What a joy to start my day out with this.

Now I'm going to go finish my support....maybe! I only need about $1400 a month! woohoo!!!

august

2008-08-31T20:56:00.002-06:00

Celebrating my brother's 30th birthday with a feats of strength competition, which included a pinata

Play with the Layne's and another family at the park!

Celebrating Hartlee with an alligator cake

Summertime

2008-07-30T22:15:00.001-06:00

been a while

2008-07-10T17:51:00.002-06:00

I just got done with a 30 minute (free) massage and I fell asleep on the table. Now I just can't seem to wake up!

I haven't written in a while because there has been NOTHING to write about. I am still here in Colorado, still working on support, and still aching to be in Missouri.

The last several days I have cried at each thought of Missouri State University and the students there. I think of the women just preparing to leave home for the first time, saying good bye to childhood friends, making out with their boyfriends for the last time (promising that they will never break up, though we all know they will), getting bedding and picture frames packed. They all have a vision of what college is going to be like at MSU.....and I can't wait to see how God intersects their lives! Oh how I want to be there to be a part of that!

Please pray with me that my support would come in quickly. I only need $1700 a month and I will be able to report to my assignment!!!!!!!

2008-04-28T22:48:00.002-06:00

surprise! here i am, still awake at 10:49. i have not been sleeping well (maybe because i've fallen into the habit of taking two hour naps every day) and so part of me wants to wait until i just can't keep my eyes open before crawling into bed. although, my sheets are looking pretty amazing right now....

but before i snooze, i wanted to be thankful.

my new staff training darlings
alicia
judy
that ice cream
my tattoos, as previously noted
my messy room
hartlee's sweet hugs at dinner
a bath
mother's day bath salts that karen gave me
gin and tonic (knee)
yikes. today was a struggle for thankfulness. perhaps i should go meet with the Lord of Hosts.

2008-04-28T22:37:00.002-06:00

i really like my tattoos. i just wanted to share that. :)

and also, i really like sitting in the sun and never ever ever getting up. especially when i am sitting in the sun, reading a book, and keeping an eye on two precious children that make me laugh. and especially when i spend that entire time in the sun, with the children and the book, thinking about nothing in particular. i like that.

now i'm going to bed because it's 10:38 and i'm awake!

2008-04-05T19:37:00.002-06:00

In 3 minutes I am going to a movie at The Palace so I won't write much, but...

I am in Missouri! I came out to Springfield for a vision trip and it was been better than I would have hoped! On the plane, as we were landing, my stomach sunk and I thought "what if I hate it?" But, as it turns out, I love it. Here are some highlights:

-I've seen 4 mullets
-Everyone has an accent. I can't say if they are saying "boot heal" or "boot hill" and when I ask they say "both"
-I saw a house with a toilet in the front yard
-There was a tornado watch

Oh! Time to go to the movie. I'll write more later...

Zeke and Hartlee Today

2008-03-24T20:07:00.002-06:00

Easter with the Fam

2008-03-24T17:37:00.003-06:00

gracias a dios

2008-01-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

a VERY yummy dinner and dessert tonight
once
a walk to the park with zena
an empty house
spain mid year conference
skype and those girls out there
my cacti might not have bugs anymore
intimacy with jesus
grace chapel friends
lifetime movies

help me help me!

2008-01-15T18:28:00.001-07:00

My outlook decided to erase all of my inbox....anyone know how to help? Please please please!

2008-01-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

2008-01-10T17:19:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to figure out what to write on here for a while. November 15th I was robbed and they took my computer (among other things) and for some reason my heart just hasn't been in this blog since then. But I enjoy writing on here (and staying in touch with people through the blog) so I'm jumping back in tonight. Nothing amazing has been going on in my life lately, so I'll just give you a random list of updates:

-Sir Edmund Hilary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, died today. Few people know about my love of Mt Everest. I've always wanted to summit the dang mountain, and I spent many evenings in college training. I've read nearly every book written about it and waste many hours checking on websites and such. That's about all I have to say about that right now.

-In other news, I just got back from Denver Christmas Conference! It was fun to get to be with students from Missouri State and to be able to catch up with my staff team. They are incredible! I can't wait to join them and get to live life with them.

-I am listening to a song right now that says "Lately I've lost my tongue, today you found my song...I sat beside you and became myself" and I like it.

-I need to spend time with Jesus now. Perhaps He will teach me something profound and I'll write more in a few hours.

Boulder Family

2007-12-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

Christmas!

2007-12-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

2007-10-29T11:47:00.000-06:00

I just found a worship song in Spanish that is dear to my heart. It warms my heart to remember Mexico and the ways the Lord used that to radically change my life. Thank you, Father, for your mercy and goodness.

I've been having a hard time with relationships in my life lately. I know, it's a pattern. Someday I will be refined and will know what it is to have healthy relationships! In the meantime I am in this "process" and I don't like it.

Here are some things I am learning in the middle of this time:

-It is foolish to flatter people, it is wise to speak truth to them. This is both for me speaking to other people, but also for people speaking to me. I think I have finally learned this in regards to talking to my friends, but I am just beginning to see the value of it from other people to me. Especially when those people are close, both physically and emotionally, and the last thing I want to hear is something I have done wrong. But it is wise. It is refining. It is humbling, if I let it be.

-The Lord has to be my sustainer. I must be centered on Him or else the winds push me right on over. If I'm connected to Him and my security is in Him, then things people say will point me closer to Him. And if I'm connected to Him, whatever happens each day will not crush me (i.e. support appointments or lack there of, relationship difficulties, running out of gas with $1.72 in your pocket). But life is so much more rich when I remain connected to the Vine.

Okay, enough rambling. Thanks for reading, dear ones.

Gracias a Dios

2007-10-24T17:17:00.001-06:00

[field trip to the museum

an hour long rest time

something fun in the mail today

my new water bottle

tim finn

awanas tonight

my new bike helmet

walk to the park with zeke and hartlee today

babysitting job tomorrow]

Superman woke me up today

2007-10-06T08:42:00.001-06:00

This morning I woke up way early, so I turned my light on and read for an hour or two. After awhile I hear the faintest knocking on my door. I pretend to not hear it, hoping whoever it was would just go away. After a little bit I hear the door slide open so I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. Then I hear Zeke whisper to Hartlee "I think Amy might be dead". And to that I couldn't help but crack up. So I lean up and say "I'm not dead, I'm sleeping" which apparently to Zeke (dressed in a superman costume) means "Please climb up into my bed" so he did just that. I just kind of looked at him with that "I can't actually believe this is happening" look but it went right over his 4 year old head. So he climbs right over me to the far side of the bed and slips right under the covers! I said to him that I needed some space and he just stared at me. So I said it again, a little firmer, and he climbed out of my bed. Hartlee had followed him in and I said "what are you guys doing anyway?" and she informed me that they were here to play in the great room (the living room right next to my bedroom). Then Zeke put his hand on the small of Hartlee's back, leading her out of my room, and turned back to say to me "Aim, we'll give you some space and when you are ready you can come out and play with us". HA! He cracks me up.

Yesterday Hartlee informed us at dinner that she had something stuck in her teeth. So she digs around for awhile then finally says "Oh! I got it out! It was just a little fella".

2007-10-04T15:28:00.000-06:00

i'm thankful for:

tattered cover bookstore.
zephaniah 3.
this sweater i am wearing.
michigan in a week and a half.
bev tomorrow.
bev tomorrow.
bev tomorrow.
the cranberries.
snow coming soon.
my red dishes, even if they are in storage with the rest of my things.
someday i will get to be in missouri, in my own house, with my red dishes, and i can leave my shoes out if i want, and i can burn a candle if i want, and i can talk on the phone wherever i want.

ugh. i'm not feeling very thankful today. i know that there are times that making a thankful list helps get rid of an unthankful heart. in mexico streit and i would walk around making grateful lists when we were grumpy and it usually ended up with us laughing that deep guy laugh. the cackle one. anyway, today it didn't really help. i still don't feel thankful.

though, i did spend time at tattered cover today and that helped. in fact, i thought it helped a lot and i was excited to share it but then, as it turns out, that won't work out as planned. i spend so much energy trying to convince myself that it is worth it to talk about it, to bring things up, that it is the right thing to do......but the littlest thing will thwart the whole plan. a scratch on the secretary, a phone call, a bug. boo.

well, that's all i got. back to doing something very important, if i could just find something important to do.

2007-10-01T15:39:00.000-06:00

IT'S SUPPOSED TO SNOW ON SATURDAY!

i'm sure it WON'T, but it's at least in the forecast, which means WINTER IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!!!

Support.

2007-09-30T22:40:00.000-06:00

Please pray with me that the Lord would provide 17% more support before October 13th. That is $750 in 3 weeks!!!

On October 13th I am leaving for a follow-up conference for new staff, which will be in Hillsdale, Michigan. I'm excited to see my friends and get refreshed with support raising!

Tonight a friend told me that she has been praying that I would be at 40% of my support by the time we go to our conference and I am excited by that idea! Please pray with me that the Lord would do the following:

Provide more people for me to talk to about my ministry
Stir in the hearts of people I talk to so that if they are called to give, they will be faithful to do so

I'll write more tomorrow about life, but I wanted to post this update before going to be tonight! Thanks for praying, friends!

ssenlufknaht

2007-09-20T19:45:00.000-06:00

today i am thankful for:

a babysitting job
water
joelle
a good book
alicia
my bed
rei
starbucks at rei
my new bike helmet i bought at rei
the river by starbucks at rei and the sunshine today

i am thankful for:

2007-09-18T20:43:00.000-06:00

my meeting tonight and the way it centers me
hartlee's kisses in target
petroleum jelly
a new supporter!
talking to emily bastine on the phone
yummy chicken for dinner
clean laundry
spending the whole day with zeke and hartlee
10 new letters to send out for support!
erin comes home tomorrow
my meeting tonight and the way it centers me

bleh.

2007-09-17T10:24:00.001-06:00

Life has been a little bleh lately. And it's raining today, which amplifies it. Not just a quick shower, which is typical to Colorado, but more like a downpour that will last all day. Kind of feels like my heart today.

There is just so much in life right now that needs to be figured out. I am at a weird transition but not really stage of life. I am in transition, but I will be for a year. And adjusting to life right now has taken longer than I expected and has been harder than I expected. How do I be me when nothing around me is me? None of my friends are around; I'm sleeping on someone else's bed in someone else's room in someone else's house.

Part of me just feels despair when I think about it being this was for a year. And then I start to wonder if life will even get better when I move to Missouri because none of my friends will be there either. Which, I am good at making friends and that doesn't scare me, but what does scare me is the idea of going somewhere that I am not known at all. It just sounds a bit lonely, which is the overwhelming emotion in this stage of life, so the prospect of Missouri is just not that exciting to me.

But it is. That's what's hard. The logical part of me wants to just move back to Greeley, or Fort Collins, and find a job and be with my friends. But a bigger part of me (probably the part of me that actually walks with the Lord) is so excited to go to Missouri....excited to meet new people, to get to be on campus reaching lost students with the Gospel, to start a new life, to experience a deeper level of healing that will come with being 700 miles from home.

I'm just rambling at this point, but I think the moral of all of this is that life is not all good or all bad. Life right now is not all bad, and as long as I keep reminding myself of that I will make it. And, Missouri is not all good OR all bad, and as long as I keep reminding myself of that I will make it there. Perhaps it would be wise to restart my thankfulness posts everyday. Being thankful sure does make a difference in my heart and perspective on life.

With that said, today I am thankful for....

fresh flowers next to my bed

no rent

zeke and hartlee

erin and chris

good music from meehee

bustakappa and seeing them last night

tears

rain!!!

getting to spend the afternoon with zeke and hartlee

michigan in 25 days!!!!!

the process, i suppose, because i have to be thankful for it

money to deposit in the bank today

funny dreams last night

my sweet friends from new staff training

2007-08-28T09:17:00.001-06:00

Mrs. Potter
by Lori Chaffer

Mrs. potter has a house on the corner where she sits and polishes her old silver plates
And she rocks in her chair alone singing songs of old and she wonders where did the time go

Mr. baker owns a grocery store where he’s worked for a few decades or more
and he tells all his patrons his stories and gives advice
and he wishes them all a good life

And oh in the twilight before the dawning the sun sets beautiful
And oh the moon is rising I swear it’s smiling it’ll turn your frown upside down

Little billy has a fancy toy car
Someday when he’s older he wants to be a star but for now all his
Dreams are as real as that car
And he’s happy cause life is ahead of him now

There’s a destitute poet who lives down the street
His words are fairly simple but to him they sound sweet
And the marrow of life is what he writes about
The well of words he’s dug’s so deep he can’t get out
And the weight of his message pulls the corners of his mouth

And he says oh it’s hard to take life lightly when you have time to look around
And oh the neighbors sighing, you know they're smiling cause you know what he's talking about

There’s a doctor with a scalpel in his hand
and he cuts the hearts and wallets of each rich and poor man
And he wants to quarantine the tragedy from life
‘Cause no one else has time

There’s an actress who lives next door and when she’s on stage it’s kind of like a war
But she won’t blame anybody for the way it is and she wonders how she’ll feel when the show ends

‘Cause the play’s too long to take too somberly and it’s too short to be a comedy
It's hard to change roles from stage to stage

But oh in the twilight before the dawning the sun sets beautiful
And oh the moon is rising I swear it’s smiling it’ll turn your frown upside down

It'll turn your frown upside down

2007-08-25T22:36:00.000-06:00

i need a digital camera. my profile picture is THREE YEARS OLD and therefore, i need a digital camera.

today i feel blah.

tonight i ate ice cream and talked with chris and his mom about everything under the sun for an hour or so. it ended up being a time of them sharing how Jesus answered prayer and about the seeds of their faith. story after story of them trusting God for big things and Him providing. then they asked me stories from my life and i shared a few and my heart was full.

there are times when it is hard to live here and things are awkward and i get insecure. but then there are times like tonight when people are asking me questions about my heart and i am getting to share about ways the Lord has impacted my life and i just feel so loved. this is a moment when i really don't want to go to missouri.

chris and erin have welcomed me into their home, their hearts, and their family and they will be terribly hard to leave. it is amazing how healing a little love can be.

on another note, i am going to greeley tomorrow! i have two support appointments and then i'm having blt's with the fam for dinner. woohoo!

2007-08-19T22:00:00.000-06:00

World Spins Madly On

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you’d gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I’d do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I’m standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on
I thought of you and where you’d gone
And the world spins madly on.

2007-08-14T08:28:00.000-06:00

WATERWORLD!

I need you!

2007-08-10T14:26:00.000-06:00

Often three year old Hartlee, who I live with now, will say "Amy, I need you" but then won't actually need me. It is her way of saying "I love you". She just doesn't quite have the communication skills for that yet! It's really cute!

I, however, both love you and need you ;)

Please pray for these things:

-that God would bring people my age into my life here in Denver to hang out with
-for my support to come in quickly
-that I would work diligently on my support
-that life would settle into "normal" - it just feels so unsettled right now

Thank you friends!

2 Peter

2007-07-29T17:46:00.000-06:00

Have you ever read 2 Peter?

I read it through for the first time a few weeks ago and loved it. Now, that happens a lot to me, I read something and love it. But then usually the next time I go back to it the excitement is gone.

So a few weeks ago I read 2 Peter for the second time. And again I loved it. Now I can't stop reading it. I have tried to use tools from our Bible Study Methods class this summer to tear into it and get great stuff from it - but that gets boring right away. Instead, I just keep reading it and reading it and reading it. It is so good! Something about it draws me ... I think it screams of freedom and hope and walking with God and truth and I just love it.

Just wanted you to know.

well, here we are

2007-07-29T15:45:00.001-06:00

I am sitting at Panera, my office, "working" on support. More like checking my email, drinking some tea, talking with Meehee on Skype, making eye contact with the cute guy behind the counter, and THEN I will make support calls.

I am officially home from New Staff Training. I came home Thursday night, late, and then spent all weekend alone because the Layne's were camping. It was good to be alone after a summer in the dorm, surrounded by 50,000 people. But at the same time, I'm such a verbal processor and overall extrovert that being alone for four days straight about did me in. And when the Layne's got in I was a bit overwhelmed (not sure why yet) so I decided to come here to Panera to "work" on support. I really will, I promise.

You might be wondering "how does Amy feel about going to Missouri?". That is a great question. Thanks for caring and asking.

Well, first of all, I am SO excited about the team. I spent some time this summer with several people on the team and I think it is really a great placement for me. It seems that everyone on the team has walked through similar things I have and that their desire for health is parallel to mine. And, after talking to them about the ministry, it seems as though students in Springfield are very similar to students at UNC. The culture seems very laid back and friendly, pretty open to the Gospel today.

I am not excited about moving to Missouri. It is 13 hours from home, hot, humid, my bread will mold faster, a different time zone, away from ANYONE that I know ... different. But I trust that when it comes time to move there my heart will have changed. You could probably pray for that.

So that's how I feel about Missouri.

I went to a new church today. I found it on the internet last night and I think I liked it. Here are my observations:

I saw no one close to my age but MANY people close to my parents age. Enough said about that.
I was the only one there in a tank top. My home church tends to be a bit more liberal then most (it's in Boulder, after all) so I figured I should wear a tank top instead of a strapless dress since I've never been to this church before. Apparently everyone else thought long sleeves would be better. Oops. Then I just went with it and played the role of "lost sinner wanders into a church" and flashed my tattoos just to confirm my depravity to them.
The teaching was amazing. The teacher was a guest speaker...hmmmm. He talked about the need to carry our cross in order to be disciples, but that in order to be successful in "carrying our crosses" we must be connected to the power of Christ and also the community of believers. This is something I am passionate about...authentic living. So if this is something the church is all about then I'll go there. Unfortunately, this was a guest speaker, so who knows. I'll go back next week to hear the head pastor talk.
If I was not a believer I would have turned around and walked out the minute I got in there. Nothing appealed to me, in fact everything seemed really fake and starchy. Now, don't hear me wrong, there are probably tons of people who need to know Jesus who would be drawn by the people there and the feel of the church. I just don't know those people. It makes me want to throw up when I think about lost people walking into 90% of the churches in America because we are all so fake! Grrrr, I have no answer to this, and really no well formed thoughts, I'm just rambling.

I think that's it. I'm going to go back next week to get a better feel.

Well, I guess that's it. Thanks for reading my "verbal" processing. Back to "work"...

thankful

2007-07-16T07:51:00.000-06:00

[missouri state university

ginger ale

a shower

getting to sleep in a bit

seeing kelly & bruce henderson

hugs from meehee

"free" food in the dorm

a relaxing day yesterday

vision for ministry partner development

erin is coming up today

emily bastine

going to lafayette with emily bastine]

Today is Monday. I am thankful this Monday because I am here, in Fort Collins, with 9,000 other Campus Crusade for Christ staff members. I am going to go eat breakfast now. :)

tomorrow i might post pictures

2007-07-09T22:29:00.001-06:00

I don't have a digital camera. SOOOO, you can either send me one or be patient and wait for pictures. :)

Everyone else up here has pictures I can steal and put up here, so hopefully soon I can show you guys new, exciting things in my life.

Until then, I just wanted to let you know that I got my placement and it is...

Missouri State University, in Springfield, Missouri!

Waiting

2007-06-28T13:44:00.000-06:00

I still don't have a placement....and I'm starting to think it might be awhile before I know. The difficult thing is that the choice is between a school I really don't want, a school I want, and a school I would settle for. I want to be able to process and create vision for where I am going, but I just can't yet. Most other new staff have been given their placement and are getting excited, deal with disappointments, etc. I am stuck in this limbo and I don't like it.

BUT

What I know to be true about walking with the Lord is that the process is more important than the end result. There are truths to be learned in this time of waiting, and some I'm sure I won't realize I learned until weeks from now. The biggest thing I can see in the middle of it is that my view of God is being challenged (which is a good thing). I realize that I see God as angry at me, disappointed in me, given up on me, and overall just doesn't like me. It feels like I am a leftover, mediocre missionary that He is trying to find a place for because He has to, not because He is delighting in me. And seeing all of these things means that I get to hand them over to Him and allow Him to speak Truth into my life - whisper glimpses of His unending, deep, overwhelming love for me.

Also, I can't find anything here that comforts me...people and things fall short...so I'm forced to cling to Him. Which is exactly where I want to be.

So, with all that said, I am still just waiting. I should find out soon. Please pray for my patience with the people involved in the process and with the people here who are just trying to walk through it with me. I keep getting so defensive and bickery with people, and I know it's just a result of what is going on in my heart.

We have two fairly big projects due tomorrow that I need to work on instead of blogging. But I am grateful because everyone around here has gone somewhere to work on theirs, so I'm home alone and have Christmas music playing. Sometimes I just need to play some Christmas music to cheer up my spirit.

I Whine

2007-06-25T17:33:00.000-06:00

Today in my Doctrine Survey class my TA asked how we respond when we are wronged. I whine. A lot. To everyone who will listen.

We are reading Piper's book called Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. The chapter for today was about the suffering of Jesus. Piper wrote "When every judicial sentiment in the universe cried out 'unjust!' Jesus was silent...Nor did he refute false ridicule...Nor did he defend himself...no one has ever borne so much injustice with so little vengeance." (page 68)

My mind began to wander as the class discussed their responses to being wronged. Why didn't Jesus defend himself? Why didn't he reveal who he was? He could have explained who he was and yet still go to the cross. But then I got it, at least a part of it (I'm sure there is more that I don't even begin to comprehend...)

First of all, he has no sinful pride. He didn't need to defend himself because he didn't (and doesn't) care what people thought of him. He had no reputation to keep, so what did it matter what the people thought of him? But even bigger then that is that fact that he loved us so much that it didn't matter. I can just imagine him thinking about me and the deep, deep love he has for me and how it was so worth it for my sake. And you. He thought of you and the deep, deep love he has for you and how it was so worth it for your sake.

It overwhelmed me.

New Staff Training

2007-06-24T21:52:00.000-06:00

It is hard to believe that I have been at New Staff Training for almost two weeks. It has gone by pretty fast, but has been incredibly amazing.

My favorite part has been the graduate seminary classes we have been taking. It has been so revolutionary for me to be able to connect to the Lord with my mind in such deep, consistent ways. It has challenged me, but I am so thankful.

The people have been incredible. No complaints, other than the girls from Missouri who spent an hour telling me all their horror stories about tornadoes right after I told them I could get sent there. It was their way of encouraging me to come! Well, they did list all kinds of "really great" reasons and then mentioned the tornadoes.

Tonight was the night that they revealed our placements for the next several years. It involved a process of getting an envelope, opening it by yourself and then maintaining a period of silence. They wanted us to have time to process our placement with the Lord before talking to people about it. I opened my envelope and read these words: "Amy, after prayerful consideration, we are pleased to communicate to you your placement at to be determined." Yep, my placement has not been determined.

The build up over the last few days of all of us preparing to find out our placements led to a bit of disappointment in my heart when I read what I did. It was so anti-climatic. And afterward I had a discussion with my brother about how he thinks Missouri might be the best placement for me (of course I am hoping for Colorado). It was helpful for perspective, but left me in a place where I am really just going to have to depend on the Lord.

It might be a few weeks before I find out my placement. In the meantime I can't just sit around wondering, worrying, and trying to read into things. Instead, I need to discipline myself to rest in the Lord, knowing that He is good. Did I mention there are tornadoes in Missouri?

joyeria

2007-05-30T15:37:00.000-06:00

Joyeria is the Spanish word for jewelry store. But when I lived in Mexico I always thought it should be a joy shop - maybe there is an implication that jewels will bring you joy, but probably not. Anyway, if I could sell all the things that give me joy right now in a store, this is what it would have:

-a barbecue with my friends on memorial day
-waking up to Hartlee and Zeke giving me hugs and love
-spending a morning cleaning, organizing and packing
-lunch with fun people for three hours today
-a slow week for work
-leftover fruit salad
-flowers from a friend
-sweet time with Jesus the last few days
-lunch with my brother tomorrow, playing with Malia tomorrow, and going to see Carrie and Loren on Saturday! wowee!!!!
-hope in my heart
-rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, etc....
-my cacti growing very well

and I feel like I could list a million more things. I am grateful for a happy heart today.

graduation day!

2007-05-24T12:33:00.000-06:00

My preschoolers graduated today! I am so very proud of them, but also extremely disappointed that I won't get to be in their lives anymore. I was thinking about all the big moments that will happen in their lives and how I won't be there for any of them. It was sad! I know, a bit rediculous, but I just love them. And my prayer the last few days is that the Lord will take care of them and put other believers in their lives to speak truth to them. I'll try to post pictures of the big day if I get them from my director.

After school today I kind of didn't know what to do with myself. So I came home and started the amazing job of packing my life up to move in two weeks! With my schedule so random, I have to start now using the time I have to pack. That way, I figure, my last few days I will have more time to spend with people instead of stuck in the house. Plus also, I LOVE packing, and cleaning and purging crap I don't need any more! It is one of my favorite things, so I just couldn't wait.

I am getting so excited for the changes in my life! I am learning that I love anticipating change and that I might possibly need it in my life more often than I think. Even little things, like changing the furniture around, help me stay energetic. Weird, I know, but if that's how I'm wired then that's how I'll live. I'm not sure how I do on the flip side of change...transitions aren't always easy, but at least the anticipation is good for me.

I guess that's all for now. Back to packing!

Isolation

2007-05-17T21:03:00.000-06:00

Tonight I went to a prayer meeting at my church. I've been to several, and usually go with the intent of asking them to pray for me, but never summoning the courage to actually ask for the prayer. So each week I leave feeling crappy. But tonight I decided to share my heart and ask the 20 adults [most of which are older than me by 30 and 40 years] to pray for me.

And it sucked.

And it was so good.

Every time my dear friend Alicia rubs my back I say "that hurts!" and she asks if it's a good hurt or a bad hurt. This prayer time was a good hurt.

It required being vulnerable, and telling people I hardly know (though deeply trust) that I am actually weak and not as put together as I come across. I shared with them the difficulty I am having in my walk with the Lord and the ways that I am struggling. And for 15 minutes they prayed for me and read scripture to me and cried with me. And it was so good.

Here are a few things I walked away with:

-The importance of speaking out loud...reading the Bible aloud, talking about where I am at with people (instead of the isolation I have been choosing), etc.

-Ephesians 6...claiming this each day.

And several other things I'm not willing to post on the internet. But I feel the Lord stirring in my heart and healing me and changing me. I will share more as I find it important!

I'm off to watch a good movie with a good friend while drinking good water.

It's official!

2007-04-30T15:40:00.000-06:00

I just received my full acceptance for staff with Campus Crusade for Christ! Just wanted to share the exciting news!

Blood on the butterfly tent

2007-04-22T14:29:00.000-06:00

I teach preschool right now; more specifically a 4-5 year olds kindergarten prep class. As it is springtime, we have decided to get some caterpillars and teach the children about the life cycle of butterflies. As it turns out, I have learned more about life from these dirty bugs than the children have!

For a few weeks the caterpillars live in this little cup [obviously in nature they don't live in cups, but you must improvise for the classroom], eating aphids all day long and getting fat in preparation for their change.

One day, we went into the classroom and the little guys had started making their cocoons! They worked all day long, and by the next morning they had cozied up in their cocoons. And, despite what all the cute little books about caterpillars and butterflies says, they are not adorable little cocoons. In fact, they gave me the willies every time I walked by them. They looked like a ball of puss stuck to the lid of the jar.

So, after they all became complete cocoons, we put them in a butterfly tent. They lived in there for about a week, just stuck to the side of the tent. One poor guy started coming out of his cocoon too early. Just as he spread his beautiful wings for the first time, he fell to the bottom of the tent and died. It was sad, he was only half formed and was all bloody.

The next day, the rest of the butterflies began to emerge. At the end of the day, I walked the kids to the tent, one at a time, so they could see the new butterflies. One little girl didn't even notice the beautiful wings or the furry heads. All she saw was the blood on the side of the tent. You see, when the butterflies come out of the cocoon they bleed, a lot. So each spot that had held a cocoon now had a spot of blood about the size of a quarter. It was gross, to be honest. But it did teach me a valuable lesson about the process.

We are all in process. Dang it. I want to arrive, but like the first butterfly, I must wait for the process to do it's work. I can't just decide that today I am fully sanctified.

Also, the process isn't pretty. I am pretty, sure, but the process of my heart being transformed into the image of Christ is not always so lovely. There is some serious junk in my heart that has to be dealt with and just like the butterflies, I need to bleed a little before I can become my new person.

I think all the kids learned was that Ms. Amy is mean for not letting them play with the butterflies.

you SHOULD be...

2007-04-19T18:26:00.000-06:00

There has been a lot of fighting lately between the Real Amy (RA) and the Ideal Amy (IA). Well, I do believe they have been fighting for about 23 years, but it has come to my attention lately.

Just this week I have seen how I don't quite measure up in my walk with the Lord. I don't pray enough, read the Bible enough, trust God enough, etc. All the other people in my life seem to do everything that is "spiritual" better than I do (Erin would say "what in life isn't spiritual?"). In fact, I could look at everything in my life and see how I just don't quite do it good enough...I don't handle the kids I teach at preschool in the most edifying ways, I don't love my roommates well enough, I don't exercise enough, I don't eat quite enough vegetables, I don't brush my teeth well enough (yes, I really have thought that this week), blah blah blah. I don't ever allow myself to be doing something well enough.

That is because I am not the Ideal Amy. IA is completely patient with children, always knowing what to say to them in order for them to grow into healthy adults. IA loves her roommates deeply and knows exactly what to do to show them that. IA treats her body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, working out just the right amount, eating the perfect balanced diet, and keeping those pearly whites shining brightly! Unfortunately, I am the Real Amy, who just doesn't quite measure up to Ideal Amy. And until I learn to be okay with RA, IA will haunt me.

But in reality, RA is who Jesus died for. RA lives in a state of grace that gives freedom for life. (Now, Amy, repeat after me: "I am deeply loved, even when my breath stinks. I am deeply loved, even when my breath stinks...").

Just today my roommate was talking about her relationship with her younger sister and she mentioned casually that she "could be a better big sister". Which made me think about all of these things and also the fact that it is so ingrained in our culture to believe that we can actually be better than we are. And that there is an Ideal Person which can be attained and when you get there, THAT is where happiness is. This concept is so deep within us that we don't even realize how often we say "I really could be a better.....". Why don't we start saying "I am loved exactly how I am and I can trust that the Lord will develop things in me that He wants developed."

Easier said than done.

Every time I turn my head to the left my back pops

2007-04-09T22:14:00.000-06:00

[wine

new staff training in 75ish days

a quiet night with my roommate

hartlee whispering secret love messages to me all day long

krankys from mexico

my bed

spending my day with erin

the bachelor]

"He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and oppose those who refute it." Titus 1:9

Last night I had such sweet, intimate time with Jesus. I decided that I would read Titus and trust the Lord to show me Truth. This stood out to me the most, and stirred in my heart once again the importance of hiding the Truth in my heart. How can I share with others if I am unsure or unknowing in my own heart? There is nothing else in my life that is going to make me more like Christ than holding firmly to the trustworthy message I have been taught.

Fear

2007-04-04T11:45:00.000-06:00

As I journaled and spent time with the Lord this morning I realized that I am anxious about New Staff Training this summer. This was a frustrating thing for me to see because I can't WAIT to join staff! I can't wait to be on campus and to be seeing God do amazing things in the lives of students!! Yet, I am so afraid of starting this whole process that I am frozen.

Part of my fear is meeting new people this summer...fear that I won't open up to them, that I won't be authentic. This is rooted in my fear that I am too much and that people will not want to know me. And this is all sinful - I am judging people I haven't even met yet, judging that they won't believe the best about me. And it is not allowing God to be glorified in my life!

I also realized that I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I will fail at making friends at NST, afraid that I will fail at ministry partner development, afraid that I will fail at walking with God, afraid that I will fail at ministry.

I don't feel like I have any great thoughts on this, other than the fact that I am grateful Jesus is showing this to me. I now have the choice to live in these fears, or chose to believe what is true.

hoy

2007-04-03T22:27:00.000-06:00

i am thankful for:

julia's mom
my 12 preschoolers and the way they have snuck into my heart
getting to share my heart with people who are safe
my new comforter
vegetables
free strawberries everywhere i went today
a 20 minute nap
bed time...right now :)

and today...

2007-04-02T12:25:00.000-06:00

... i am thankful for:

mojo's

punch cards for free coffee

a clean car

sleeping in

good music

a day off

spring

the excitement i have in my heart about new staff training

i actually thought today "i can't wait to start support raising!"

talking to alicia last night and emily today

pictures from streit's wedding

2007-04-01T13:26:00.000-06:00

Pictures

2007-04-01T12:43:00.000-06:00

Pictures are always more interesting...so I'll show some from Carrie's wedding!

hummus

2007-04-01T12:37:00.000-06:00

I just made some really great hummus.

Life has been hard lately. Which happens to everyone. But I am not believing things that are true and I am not running to Jesus to heal me, instead I am making really good hummus and eating a lot of it. So, following in the footsteps of Emily Bastine, I am going to resort to thankfulness instead of trying to come up with something interesting to write on here.

So, today I am thankful for:

hummus
lots of fun happies from my friend erin
sleeping in
good movies on tv
my job at target and my friends i work with

Crazy

2007-02-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

Life has seemed crazy lately! I feel like I'm trying to figure out what life is supposed to look like right now while still looking forward to the future. I get so bogged down in the day to day craziness and feel like I'm on autopilot until New Staff Training in June. And I hate living this way. So I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I have nothing profound to share about it, I've just been rolling it all around in my head.

"Only be careful and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them." Deut. 4:9

What have my eyes seen?

Jesus enter into my life and change it radically

The lives of people in my family changed because of Christ

Students in Mexico cling to a savior with full hope

Every step I've needed to take the last two years of my life have been very clearly directed

A family brought into my life when I needed one

Beauty

Every physical need met with little thought on my part

A huge, powerful, sovereign, loving, just, creative, merciful God who I know in intimate ways

Java Java

2007-01-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

There is a fun coffee shop in town, Java Java, which appears to be run by believers. They have an entire wall that they call "community giving" and people can post ways they are in need or ways the coffee shop has given to them. I sat there and read the first five that caught my eye, and they were all churches or mission organizations. So then I looked a bit closer at the wall hangings and listened more attentively to the music and it was all centered around Christ. The owners were not there, but I'm hoping the next time I go in to be able to chat with the owners just to see what they are all about.

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While I was enjoying my raspberry latte, I met with El Elyon, the Most High God. I have been feeling conviction lately that I don't hide the Truth in my heart. I know a handful of verses, which are the same verses I've known since I was 14 and first began my relationship with God. So I have a few that I have been working the last few days to memorize, and I'd like to share them with you now.

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"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the battle is not yours, but Gods. See the deliverance the Lord will give you! The Lord will be with you." 2 Chronicles 20:15 &17

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"The Lord your God is with you, His power gives you victory. The Lord will take delight in you, and in His love He will give you new life. He will sing & be joyful over you!" Zepheniah 3:17

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Today I have chosen a few more to work on, now that I have those two down. Here are my choices today...

"In embroidered garments she is led to the King, her virgin companions follow her and are brought to you." Psalm 45:14

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-This verse gives me so much hope for my ministry! I so often start to believe that I will fail because I do not have all the skills necessary to do everything right with the girls I work with. But this verse reminds me that I am being led to the King (where there is intimacy, revelation and true life) and the women I disciple will follow me, therefore be brought to the King themselves! It doesn't say anything about doing the right things, saying the right words, knowing the perfect next step for a girl...it just says to follow Jesus and they will follow my example.

"Daughters of kings are among your honored women; at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir." Psalm 45:9

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-I love the place this gives the bride...amidst all these other women, she alone is given the seat of honor and intimacy next to the King. As believers, we are each given this place of intimacy and honor, and that is our first ministry-to the King!

Again!

2006-12-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

It's snowing again! Only this time my roommates are both out of town and I don't have a digital camera so I can't show you pictures. But, my favorite part of this snowstorm is that the wind isn't blowing so the snow is sticking to the trees. It is beautiful to see the white snow decorating the leafless trees. And this snow seems to be falling at a faster rate so visibility is really bad (which equals fun in my mind).

Okay, I'm off to work (NOT something that sounds fun in a snow storm!) and can curl back up in my jammies at 11 when I get off (dang it).

Random

2006-12-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have many random things to share tonight......

1) I got heartburn for the first time in my life today, I think. I don't know if I actually had it, but I took one bite of the onion I put on my sandwich and there was instant pain in my chest. So either I was having a heart attack or heartburn, and I'm gonna guess the latter.

2) I had the most amazing Christmas that I can ever remember!

3) A few days ago I started praying fervently that the Lord would show me the lies that I believe about Him so that I can see them and replace them with Truth. It has been awesome to see these lies revealed to me and then to see scripture tell me the Truth that counteracts it. Today I was focusing on the lie that the Lord is passive and I must carry my relationship with Him. I never realized I held that belief, but after recognizing it I see it everywhere! No wonder I get so weary in my walk with the Lord...I am not allowing Him to be my warrior and my savior!

4) I am cat sitting. I am severely allergic to cats. This is a bad combination. I cat sat a month ago and learned these facts, yet when asked a second time I (in a very co-dependent voice) said "sure!". So, here I am again, sneezing my way through life.

5) I made cookies today and they made my stomach upset. Well, maybe eating five of them made my stomach upset...

I love you all
Amy

2006-12-21T16:58:00.000-07:00

day two of blizzard

2006-12-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

having fun in the blizzard

2006-12-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

more blizzard

2006-12-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

the blizzard!

2006-12-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

Praise God for nap time!

2006-12-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

Zeke and Hartlee are sound asleep, and I'm fast on my way! I had NO CLUE what it was like to be a mom, and in reality I probably still don't because these aren't my own flesh and blood.

Last night Zeke woke up with a really bad coughing fit (he has a bad cold) and I got to spend 3:30 to 4:30 am sitting next to him. As I laid in bed trying to go back to sleep I was overwhelmed with gratefulness to the Lord. I had been afraid, as I went to sleep hours before, that I would not hear them if they woke up, or that if I did get up I would be grumpy and half asleep as I tended to them. However, I heard him right away and was wide awake. It is amazing the amount of compassion that is stirred up in my soul as I sit beside him in the wee hours of the morning. I had no thoughts of sleep I was missing, but was overwhelmed with compassion for him. I just wanted him to feel better! And, for anyone who has ever lived with me before, it is RARE for me to wake up and be compassionate. I usually need, oh, a few hours before I can be nice to anyone. So this truly was an act of the Lord. I was also afraid they would wake up before me and get themselves into trouble. But I woke up about 45 minutes before them and was able to get ready before they even woke up!

So, we have been playing all day and they are sound asleep. Tonight we are having a movie night! Yippee!

As I said before, I now can understand what Erin means when she tells me being a parent just never ends. I thought I got that before, but now I see. I haven't had time to do much for myself today...or really anything other than tend to their needs, which never end! Things are a mess and there is even throw up stains on the floor now, but we are all safe and having fun!

Well, they should sleep for another hour, so I am going to go have time with the Lord.

Playing Mommy

2006-12-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am staying in Denver, playing Mommy. My sweet friend Erin and her husband are going out of town to celebrate their anniversary, and they asked me to watch their children. I am honored that they trust me, but I am a little bit nervous. I have tucked those babies (well, they are 2 and 3, but still sweet babies to me) into bed and am trying to relax and prepare for the rest of my time. I think tonight was the easiest part, but waking up with them and then being responsible for them for two days will take a lot of energy! I am excited. Of course, there is the German family that is living in their guest bedroom for two weeks. I don't even know what to do with that...

I don't have a whole lot else to post because I don't have a whole lot else going on in my life. Thanksgiving was so fun! I woke up that morning and watched the parade on TV. At two points I found myself bawling from excitement! There is just so much excitement in the air during the holidays and I apparently can do nothing but cry because of it. It was pretty funny.

Well, I just don't have much more energy, and I think I'm going to go to bed. We will see what the next few days bring :)

a full corazon

2006-11-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

My heart is so full tonight and I wanted to share why. My family is growing and changing. A difficult but inevitable part of that is the change in how we celebrate holidays. This Thanksgiving we will all be in different houses, eating different turkeys, and that is hard for this girl! I am the last single person, and therefore the only one without a family to go to while the others are with their spouses' families. I was a little worried that the big day would be depressing, but I think it is going to work out just fine. Here's why...

I am going to spend the day with a very dear friend of mine, Erin, and her family. She is married and has two young children and the last six months they have taken me in and made me a part of their family. In fact, I spend at least one day a week with them, even though they live 40 minutes away! So when I told her my family wasn't doing anything, she said I must go with them. So, tomorrow I will join them and two other families to eat and play, and I couldn't be more excited!

Just this morning I was thinking how much I will miss the whole process of Thanksgiving. Even though I have a place to go, I won't get to be a part of the cooking and the fun anticipation I remember so much from being a kid. A little bit later Erin called to say she was going to bake pies and cook as much as she could ahead of time today and she wanted me to come spend the day with them while they did it! It was an answer to my hearts longings! So I got to spend hours today laughing, baking, cooking, making messes and watching squirrels get shot. My heart is so full!!

gnivigsknaht

2006-11-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

It has been a while! I feel like I have been learning so much the last few days and weeks and it's almost been overwhelming. I want to share everything I am learning (mostly because I have a teachers heart and things tend to sink in once I've "taught" them to someone else) but I need to process through it all a little more.

In the meantime I want to share some things I am thankful for today:

sleeping in

cider scented candles

a clean house (and the process of cleaning it - which I love)

baking for Thanksgiving

an egg sandwich

Christmas decorations

television

dreaming in Spanish

checking the mail

new, good music

a quick post

2006-10-24T16:19:00.000-06:00

Hey guys

I just have a quick post today. I started working part-time today at a preschool here in Lafayette. It is such a joy for me to be able to use my degree in very tangible ways, though I am thankful this is only a short-term thing :)

I just am writing to ask for prayer for this new job. There is a little girl there who is 4 years old and is having a really hard time. She will be in a very happy mood and then suddenly switch to very upset. While upset, she only wants to be held. At one point today, when she became very upset, she started saying she hates everything and it about broke my heart. Please pray that I would know how to minister to her little soul and that her family members would know Jesus.

Thanks friends!!

whirlwind

2006-10-18T08:49:00.000-06:00

wow! i have been learning so much lately that i don't even know where to begin. i'll make it easier on you and put it into easy little bullet points:

it's snowing! it's been a LONG time since it has snowed in my life. little mexico just doesn't have much snow.
i got to spend the afternoon yesterday with my teammate jen from mexico. it was so refreshing to be with someone who gets it when i talk about mexico, culture shock, memories and such. not to mention i just love her and being with her! i nearly cried when she left.
i feel like the Lord has been moving in my heart in huge ways. (well, i do think he is always moving in my life, i just am a bit more aware of it right now. but anyway...) He has been stirring in me a passion for the lost. i feel like there are moments every day that i get a taste of things that are eternal and i am graciously reminded that i wouldn't want to do anything else with my life than serve the Lord. when i think about the way the Lord has changed my life and made me new i get so excited about the ways he wants to do that in other peoples lives as well. i could ramble on and on, but i won't. i'm just really excited about what i do!
i have to (shamefully) admit that i never really think about what i read. i read a lot, and if someone i love recommends a book and read it with no hesitation. i am taking a sunday school class at my church on the book of colossians and this past sunday had a huge revelation in my life regarding books. towards the end of the class the teacher started talking about the movement of the emergent church. somehow we got on the subject of books and he talked rather negatively about an author that i really like. after more discussion, i found out that my teacher was very well educated in theology and that he had a website on which he reviews books and music and about a thousand other things. so after church i read through his website http://www.randybrandt.net/contend/. it was interesting to read his perspective, and i didn't necessarily agree with everything, but i realized that is good. since sunday i have been reading a few books and i find myself testing what i read against scripture and checking out the people authors quote. essentially checking to make sure what i read is quality, and learning to weed out things authors say that don't stand against scripture. it's been a fun process! i still love my favorite authors, but i'm learning to see things in their theology that i don't necessarily agree with.

2006-10-12T17:09:00.000-06:00

"Jesus gives purpose and meaning to everything...We look to Jesus, and we know all is well. With our eyes fixed on him, we remember why we can trust God, for Jesus is the proof of God's unfailing love for us. He is the reason God will never abandon us, and he will be the first to welcome us when we cross the finish line." When Life and Beliefs Collide, by Carolyn Custis James

with that said, let me tell you officially that i am joining staff
with campus crusade for christ. more details to come...